Head of family
Let me tell from the very beginning. My husband has an elder brother who after death of their father became head of the family. There are 6 children in the family besides him. He studied in madrasah for 7 years but as it was necessary to feed the family, had to leave his studies and travel to another region looking for a job. He started working, things have improved more or less, he got married, but the wife and children remained in Dagestan. He used to come and go every now and then, after 8 years however, he brought his family with him. Soon he got third girl, who is now 9 months old. The financial crisis has taken toll on him, his business has gone bad, shortage of money etc. Recently we have learned that he has left behind some groceries, collected his belongings and moved to a rich woman, leaving everyone in shock. My husband has gone to visit him, and cannot recognize his brother, who walks as a zombie puppet and listens to this woman, and is constantly under her supervision, even on the phone. My husband tried to talk to him, but he just keeps quiet. He only visits his children, drives his son to school, and ignores other children. He does not pray any more, does not share bed with the first wife, does not divorce her also, does not call to his mother, completely stayed away from all the relatives, and this is a person who never missed his prayers, lived in accordance with Islam, helped the needy and observed everything that he could. My husband says that he feels as if he is not his brother, he might be his look alike. He said to his Dagestani wife that he does not know what has happened to him- I cannot stay nearby with you, I want everything to be ok, but I cannot stay in the same house with you, I do not know what to do? He never visits Dagestan, and there is nothing that we can do. We are very worried that he will follow the way of Satan and go astray. Please advise what can we do, how to struggle with it, how to bring him back to correct life. We are loosing a Muslim, very painful to look at him, his children and wife. Were there other similar cases? Please help.
Opinion of the psychologist: The situation is quite complicated and occurs a lot, however it cannot be solved by force. Time heels all wounds, quite often such problems are solved by time. But for its solution the person should know that he can return to his family any time, without entering into conflicts with relatives. For this purpose it is necessary to keep in constant contacts with him, without subjecting him to sharp criticism. If he was religious enough, it is possible to try to influence him, using Islamic arguments as they were significant enough for him for long time. It is necessary to find out the reasons why he has done so, probably there were some reproaches from his frst wife that served as an incitement for his decisions. It is not excluded that the new woman has given him what he could not receive in the family, namely care and caress. You do not need to lose hope of his return and constantly ask Allah for happy end. However, if in the meantime you constantly reproach and renounce him, it will only aggravate the problem.